Give Your Heart a Break
by jcforever19
Summary: "You've been hurt before, I can see it in your eyes, you try to hide it away, some things you can't disguise." Cindy had ceased to know what happiness was. Besides, happiness was just one thing among others on a list of things that she'd given up over the years. Angsty JC oneshot.


**Have't written JN for quite a while now, but I had this idea today because of a particularly ehh day. This is the result :) LOL more DEPRESSING JC **

**Read and review please!**

**I will probably update Wicked Games after my final exams, as a side note. **

**-x-**

_"You've been hurt before, I can see it in your eyes, you try to hide it away, some things you can't disguise."_

* * *

Cindy ran her fingers along her bed's frame, as she gazed out the window. She sneered at the very sight of the Neutron household. There was something almost ridiculous about the contrast between the Neutrons and the Vortexes. For one thing, the Neutrons were _happy._

For Cindy, _happy_ meant a night when her dad sat at his usual place on the couch with a beer and a cheesy movie on. _Happy_ meant a night when her mom didn't come back drunk in the middle of the night; falling all over some unknown man, who had done her the honest to god favor of driving her back home that night.

_Happy meant a day when she didn't see Neutron shoving it in her face that he was now tall, popular, and a hundred and twelve percent more efficient with his 'ingenious' inventions. _

In fact, the word happy had become so very relative, that nothing was happy in itself unless it was compared to the bad. Something was only happy if it beat another situation that would have been worse. Happiness had turned into a D-list priority that she tried to ignore for her own sake. If she were to ever really sit alone and think about what she _really _wanted and what kind of life she'd once wanted and dreamed of, she might not be able to handle the way things _were. _And that just wouldn't do.

Besides, happiness was just one thing among others on a list of things that she'd given up over the years.

Any aspirations she'd once had had recently joined that list.

_Dreams of being the tall, blonde kick ass beauty who'd one day rule the school?_ Gone.

_Dreams of becoming a lawyer and making enough money, she could practically buy Neutron? _Gone.

_Dreams of being a nationally ranking black belt champion? _Ha. She laughed at that one.

Cindy's eyes wandered back to her French book. It had started in sixth grade. Maybe a few weeks after he'd kissed her, maybe later than that. That's when the fights had started. Her father had given in to the powerhouse that was Sasha Vortex, gradually resorting to spending his life at a nine to seven cubicle job, and coming home only to blend into the couch with a beer and a bag of pretzels. Sasha Vortex was still ruthless as ever. Her hawk-like eye followed Cindy, venom dripping from her words as she deterred Cindy from anything worthwhile. Cindy had to be the best, she was the best; But she was also the worst. She was useless, pathetic, possessed not even a shard of 'that Neutron boy's excellence'.

This kind of lecture had once scared Cindy into working her ass off, even in the fifth grade. It stopped being effective right as she started high school. Sasha wasn't around to give her these lectures anyways- reeling from the failure of the marriage that she had broken and ridden with shame at her family's pathetic state, Sasha headed for the bars and clubs, becoming someone Cindy didn't want to even associate herself with.

_Then again, _Cindy didn't even want to be associated with herself. She'd become a shadow of her former self.

Cindy closed her book. Her mom wasn't home yet. She walked downstairs, past her father, who didn't care where she went and what she did. She sat on the front porch steps, looking once again at the Neutron household. She heard shouts of victory coming from the dinky old clubhouse and snickered. _Some things just never changed._

Neutron ran out, a beaker in hand, the ultimate look of triumph on his face. He spotted Cindy and walked over for a prime moment of gloating. _Great, here we go again._

"Hello Vortex, care to sample my-"

"No." Cindy said in a flat tone. These days, she didn't even bother. _What was the point anyways?_

Jimmy didn't sense her tone, and instead continued in his excited voice.

"I finally made Betty perfume-"

"Great, lover boy. Now take your raspberry scented chemical and go back to Geekland." Cindy rolled her eyes and pointed to the lab. Just what she needed, a mention of Betty, only the greatest of all of Earth's inhabitants in Neutron's eyes.

Jimmy frowned. "Wow. Haven't heard an insult from you in a while, Vortex. Finally making a comeback on that front?"

Cindy looked at the gravel, exasperated. "You wish."

"Can I- uhh- sit?" Jimmy asked, pointing to the space besides her on the steps. Cindy almost felt her heart beat double, but she was sure it was just stomach pain. She hadn't felt like that in a while. She'd trained herself to not care when Neutron was in her proximity. Especially when he was this close.

She nodded. "Sure, what do I care?" She didn't even turn to look at Jimmy.

The air was cool and the gentle summer breeze fluttered against her cheek. Jimmy looked at Cindy. If it was possible, she'd turned prettier with the years. Her blonde hair was now long and lusciously shiny, and her green eyes seemed to have turned a shade darker. Something had changed about her though. She'd lost the fieriness. The ambition. The, "I'll roll someone over to get where I have to" attitude, the ever-present smirk.

"You don't care about _anything_, anymore." He finally said, a bit scared. Maybe he was finally going to unleash years worth of unfulfilled wrath with a comment like that.

Instead, all she said was, "I guess."

Now he definitely knew something was wrong. Cindy Vortex did not just take an insult and say something mild and indifferent like "I guess", she cut into you with double edged words that almost hurt as much as her captivating green eyed glare. In fact, now that he saw her up close, he realized her eyes looked almost lusterless and there were soft lines under her eyes that almost caved in.

Jimmy turned to her and did something he hadn't done in years. Since the fifth grade, in fact.

He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "What's going on, Cindy?"

His mom didn't have to remind him for him to know that the Vortex household was about as pleasant as mothballs.

"Nothing you would know or care about, Neutron." She remarked. But she didn't pull her hand out of his grip; she couldn't bring herself to.

"I don't think you're the judge of that." He admonished, softly squeezing her hand again. She closed her eyes for a second, the rush of memories hitting her like a rapid cascade.

"Cin, are you okay?" He dropped the perfume on the sidewalk.

Everyone could tell. Everyone could tell that the invincible Cindy Vortex had been defeated. And Neutron had the nerve to remind her that she _wash't okay?_ He thought he could just interrupt whatever semblance of a life she pretended to have? Barge back into it after years of unresolved conflicts and climaxes that lead to dead ends?

"I'm fine." She insisted. But even as she said it, her voice cracked, and she turned to look at the ground, wanting to hide her tears from Jimmy. Vortexes never cried in front of others. It was the utmost sign of weakness and defeat.

_Of course she wasn't fine._

In the eighth grade, Jimmy had been the one who'd left her a blanket and a pillow on her porch when her mom had kicked her out of the house for her report card, knowing she'd be to proud to accept an invitation into the lab. In the ninth grade, Jimmy had been the one who'd escorted her home after her date had dropped her for Libby. He'd been the one who'd personally fought with their AP government teacher to make sure she got a chance at the class after a final grade of B-, something the old Cindy would have considered sacrilegious. He'd once given her a pearl. He'd once told her she was capable of anything. For god's sake, they had _kissed_ in anger once in the lab working on a project together.

The memory knotted Cindy's sides and ate at her. The few weeks after that, how she had longed for affection again! How she'd longed he would kiss her again, out of anger or otherwise! She'd reprimanded herself for it, for the giddiness, and soon after, acted as if it never happened. Not that Jimmy pursued it…he assumed he'd been within an inch of death doing something stupid like that. It had been a natural impulse, anyways.

And she knew if she didn't get away, get up and get away, she'd do something stupid like that again and she wouldn't be able to handle it this time.

Only this time, he closed the gap for her. She started to get up, but he gently pulled her back down.

"What happened Cin?" He asked again, his breath on her cheek.

Her breath caught in her throat and she arrogantly stood up. "Nothing, Neutron! I told you, nothing!" Her face was flaming, but she managed to find the words to tell him off.

Neutron didn't give up that easily though. He stood up with her.

"Libby and I have been really concerned-"

Didn't anyone get that she didn't want concern? She wanted something more _genuine_. She wanted, no, she _craved_ affection. She was willing to admit that much to herself, just for tonight.

"Why? Im perfectly fine, Neutron. Get off my back. Go back to perfume making or whatever you were doing-"

In response he grabbed her by the shoulder and kissed her.

Cindy pulled away but she felt un unmistakable feeling of happiness, whatever that was. She hadn't felt like that in a while. "What in the world was that, Neutron?"

Jimmy looked up, slightly embarrassed. "Well, I didn't have to fear you'd kill me this time-"

"Oh I will, trust me." A glint was momentarily back in her eyes, and Jimmy heartened at the fact that she was obviously trying to hide a smile.

"Thank you." She whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

"You, know, I've missed having someone to debate with. Clarissa's fine, but she doesn't really argue the finer points of the socio-economic conditions in Chile."

Cindy's throat knotted again; words seemed to fail her.

He held out his hand. "You don't have to tell me what's going on, I guess. But promise to at least try in class for my sake? It's no fun when you're not arguing my theories on dark matter-"

"You theories have no real scientific basis." She said, with a smile.

"Hello, does math mean nothing to you?" He shook his head in mock disappointment.

Cindy laughed. Jimmy perked up at the sight. It had been such a rare sight lately.

She extended her hand as well, shaking his.

"Thanks Neutron. I guess I missed it too." She said this time, more confidently. He nodded and signaled back towards the lab. "I have to go back, the sugars are probably done fermenting…"

And for the first time in months, there was a bounce in her step and the slightest hint of a smile on her face, as she headed back into her house.

She turned back. Wait just a second…

"Neutron, you forgot your fancy perfume for Quinlan."

Jimmy turned around, his face turning red again. "To tell you the truth, it wasn't _really_ for Quinlan…"

-x-


End file.
